More things I never understand

[osewalrus]

My wife made more money than me for the first several years of our marriage (when she was actually working, mind you -- she had issues finding a job due to Shabbos restrictions). I briefly made more when I went into private practice, then plummeted  to well below her income when I switched to the non-profit world. Over the years, my salary has increased at a much faster rate (a side effect of her working at a financially failing hospital until Obamacare kicked in), so now I make more money than she does. 

It never really mattered for either of us. It all went to the same place -- day school and mortgage. What mattered is we were both blessed to be able to do work we both (for the most part) enjoyed. 

But apparently we are total weirdos. According to this piece by the NYTimes, in couples where wives make more than husbands, both partners feel so bad about this they lie about their salaries (men inflate, women deflate). This apparently has lots of other impacts as well.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/17/upshot/when-wives-earn-more-than-husbands-neither-like-to-admit-it.html?fallback=0&recId=18cJXqL3JwxvxIOjJKfAaJl9r90&geoContinent=NA&geoRegion=MN&recAlloc=random&geoCountry=US&blockId=signature-journalism-vi&imp_id=835135452&action=click&module=editorContent&pgtype=Article&region=CompanionColumn&contentCollection=Trending

Peoples, I do not understand them.

Comments

[dsrtao]

There was a whiteboard on one of the refrigerators at work where we would write whatever passed for wit and wisdom. One day it carried this warning:

"Do not take the behaviors or reactions of anyone in this office as being representative of most users. We are all weirdos here."

There are lots of outliers, and they tend to cluster.

How many tobacco smokers do you know?

Across the USA, it's one in six. But nearly everyone I know has a college degree or is part of the same socio-economic class, so the incidence rate I observe is under 8%. From my viewpoint, it's dying out much faster than it "really" is. Meanwhile, 25% of West Virginians smoke. If I lived there, I'd be certain that it was normal.

I don't think you're weird about that, but I'm weird in the same way. Actually, if my wife made more money than I did, I would feel more economically secure and taken-care of.

[magid]

On the question of smokers: when I was growing up/in college/recently graduated, I knew approximately 0 people who smoked. However, I've noticed that a much larger percentage of my younger friends (now in their 20s and early 30s) are smokers. Not a huge percentage, but noticeable. I'm not sure whether that's partly due to the social subgroups that make cross-generational friends easier to come by being more open to all sorts of activities, or something different.

(I hate the smell, and don't understand why anyone would spend that much money on it, either.)

[cellio]

I wonder how the data breaks down by class, education level, job category, and family size.

Dani and I have flip-flopped on this over the years too, and it's never been a problem when I'm the higher earner. But we're in the high-tech sector, comfortable, and DINKs, which makes us very different from, say, blue-collar families raising kids and hoping to be able to pay for their schooling. I suspect that article is mostly not about the likes of you and me.

[vettecat]

I suspect that nerds/geeks are less susceptible to gender norm pressures.